I’m torn in two

I want to be away

But I want to be here.

I see the beauty in company

But why is it so scary to me?

Feels like I’m missing out

Why can’t I be a part of

All the love I see?

I’m so tired of being alone

But something makes this my choice

I’m terrified of being seen

I want to know you’ll love me

Before I take a swing and miss

And I hate the way their eyes all say

Please stop looking at me

I’m just a frightened little kid

Aching for protection

From these scary thoughts inside my head

I can’t love myself

So how could you?

I can’t stop crying at the wind

Every little thing reminds me

Of how delicate this all is

And how much this all hurts

The smoke can only hide me for now

How much longer will this last

I don’t think I care to know

Will this season ever change

Or am I forever left in the cold

Drowning in a pain so old

Can’t find a reason for this

Endless emptiness

I look around for a sight to see

But I’m locked away behind the agony

I know you can’t, but please help me

Silence has a sound

Have you ever experienced being in a state of complete silence? Anyone who has continuously fallen off a bicycle while eager to learn is familiar with this moment when about to crash and your mind goes silent thinking “!”. No inner dialogue, just as if all your bodily feelings were to say, “Oh no!”. But when we find this state of absolute attention on a more peaceful state of existence, with complete internal and external silence, do we not come closer to the neutral state of the universe? A state that can be described as more in equilibrium with the natural state of all other lifeforms? Could there be something worth finding while in this state of being?

There’s a certain sensation that can be felt when we train ourselves to be in this state of existence. We must undertake the quiet task of slowly reducing our inner chatter. Once we have experienced our thoughts and inner dialogue with an open and compassionate mindset, we can release them. The inner self talk may continue with its pattern, however, when these inner phenomena of experience are met with continuous acceptance, they will gradually begin to occur less often.

While there’s no doubt that thinking is an important tool which has done many amazing things in our world, it is important to balance out these times of day where we must be in constant use of language to interpret our life experiences, with times where we are fully still and free from the need for language. We can experience a state of consciousness where the faculty of the mind which uses language to create the separation of objects within our perception is not at work, so making it impossible to draw a line between ourselves and the rest of what we experience. We could see ourselves as one thing with the rest of existence, bringing a sense of unity to our awareness.

Once we can begin to get moments with this peaceful state of surrender, we can experience a feeling of deep contentment and an understanding of things that language cannot explain. With practice these moments of connection with the universe will become longer, thus deepening the experience of this connection. We can begin to see the need for this connection and understanding of an important type. We realize that there is more to everything than ourselves and feel a sense of importance when it comes to the universe as a whole, for this state of consciousness evolves our identity past the confines of our egos.

This state of “Oneness” can be trained to the point where we are living every moment in this experience. Where all our actions, words, and thoughts are made in harmony with the rest of existence. If we examine the powers that govern the universe, we can become one with this power source.

What is this experience like of being one with the source of all life in this existence? Can one imagine an experience of deep peace? Love? Wisdom? The true treasures of life? -Brady Elrod

Sane or not

How do you know if you’re sane or not? Have you ever looked upon yourself while experiencing an altered state of consciousness? Most will drink alcohol and see the insanity unfold in mass consumption, thus leaving the impression that they’re sane so long as they’re sober. But what about those of us who admit that we are in fact insane, and the altered state of consciousness helps us see ourselves from a more sane perspective. Without it we run mad.


Lost in a city I don’t know, trying to find a way out. A crime of the mind has been committed, shaken from a sleep that threatens my sense of obedience. The roads of the inner city twist and turn, intersecting in the strangest ways. As if meant to intentionally confuse someone. Within a matter of minutes, multiple law enforcement units pass me from all directions as if they’re looking for someone. Are they looking for me? I blend too well. I’ve lost all sense of direction and wander through the city. As I find my way to the upper class side of town, the law enforcement units seem to vanish. They wouldn’t look for a low life in this area, and my vehicle is too clean to draw suspicion. Turning the tuner dial on the radio, I come across a station playing classical music. Finding a sense of calm, I listen. The station host returns to the air mentioning that the station is commercial free, being entirely supported by its listeners. This struck me as unusual. What demographic of people are more likely to listen to classical while also having the wealth to donate to a radio station? Perhaps a class of people who’ve hoarded finances out of fear of their own future and don’t like using technology of modern day. An old mindset unwilling to adapt to the needs and changes of the modern era. I made my way through the streets of the elite without noting any law enforcement or drawing any attention to myself. I came upon street names that were familiar enough for me to begin navigating out of that quarter. I made my way to the outskirts of the city. I felt a calling, deep within my soul. The edges of my consciousness called for an exodus from this concrete jungle. To return to nature. To return to the land of my ancestors. I could no longer deny my folly in trying to survive among such lost and suffering people. Something was wrong and I had to find what was right. With complete abandon, I left with my small amount of belongings and began my journey. With no destination in mind, guided by feeling and intuition, I began an adventure into the unknown hoping to find both myself and God.

What’s happening

If we consider that humans use their minds to think in terms of words, which are defined by their opposites, then mind control would only require a use of reverse psychology and the use of fear to manipulate the emotions of the subject who’s minds are driven by emotion. Using messages that are so subtle that the conscious mind wouldn’t pick up on it, but the subconscious would, allows for this practice to be done on subjects of a higher quantity over longer periods of time. Does this sounds far fetched? Does this sound familiar to you?

Trying to tie it together

Life is a strange thing. To some, this may sound like an odd statement. Perhaps the oddities of life go unseen due to their goals and passions. Many people live a busy life and rarely take time to reflect on the big questions. Some believe that we’ll never know the answers to these questions. I, however, am not satisfied with such a belief.

From a scientific standpoint, the electromagnetic spectrum is the range of frequencies of electromagnetic radiation and their respective wavelengths and photon energies. Frequencies refer to the different intervals of a wavelength. Humans can only perceive less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum. We know of radio waves, and these frequencies are picked up and translated through a radio. However, the radio has to be turned to the correct channel in order to receive the radio waves. We have various technologies which can pick up on wavelengths which we cannot perceive, but is it possible that there is more to the spectrum than what we currently know? What other frequencies could be around us?

Chemistry has shown us that all matter is energy which vibrates within a certain confine based upon which state of matter it is in. Physics has debated whether the structure of atoms is a particle or a wave. Recently it is said that it’s somehow both. Is the universe just composed of particles flowing through a wave? The first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, it only changes form. Then, where did the universe originate? This would imply that the universe has always existed, but perhaps just in a different form.

If the universe has always existed, then it is truly infinite. But how can we explain the order that we observe in a universe that also contains chaos? Like the rise and fall of a wave, the seasons change. The plants grow and bloom, but they inevitably perish. However, they return when the seasons come back around and the proper conditions for life are provided. One indisputable fact of the universe is that everything eventually dies, but just like the waves of an ocean, the waves always come back.

When considering the balance of all the variables that are necessary for life, existence in a miracle. Without balance, everything would fall apart. The absence of natural elements such as sun, rain, and soil wouldn’t allow pants and vegetation to grow. Without plants and vegetation, there would be no animals or oxygen. Without all of the above, there would be no human life. Just as the human brain could not exist without the other organs of the human body, and vice versa, there could be no human existence. So what does this imply?

From a certain perspective, the human race is an inseparable part of the universe. If the universe is infinite, and we are part of it, then we are also composed of the same energy from which the universe is rendered. We would also be infinite, though it is not clearly seen. Still, what can we say about the underlying force that binds and gives life to the universe?

Human language, which is used to make sense of the universe, defines concepts in terms of its opposite. The concept of light could only be conceived if we understand the experience of darkness. The concept of hot can only be understood if we have experienced cold. These examples are endless, but what can be inferred is that the dualistic nature of the universe isn’t the whole truth. Opposites cannot be separated. Like two sides of the same coin, they are really one. In terms of Chinese philosophy, everything is composed of Yin and Yang.

We know that there is more to life than we can know, and surely science has shown that there is no doubt something eternal about the universe, even if indirectly. So what is it? What has given balance and the potential for life in this seemingly chaotic universe? Some call it “God”, and various cultures have different terms for the same idea, something which gives life and order to the universe. But what is it really? Could it be that this higher power is really another unseen wavelength that exists outside our known boundaries of the electromagnetic spectrum?

If this is so, what kind of energy is it? Psychology has shown that the human mind is the filter through which reality is perceived. Given our power to become self aware and practice conscious thought, we can control the lens through which we experience life. The thoughts produced by the human mind come in two variations, positive and negative. Through conscious thought, which builds our attitude, we control our experience.

Given that our thoughts also have a way of adding shades of color to our emotions and how we experience them, we also have some control of how we experience our emotions. Though life has both positive and negative emotional experiences, their intensity can become magnified by how we choose to perceive them.

So what kind of attitude do we have towards life? Are we grateful or resentful? All spirituality has one thing in common and that is love. If the energy of the universe which always gives life is some kind of wavelength, how do we connect and tune into it? Like a radio, the human brain can connect with the frequencies of a higher power if it is tuned with the right thoughts. True love is selfless, without it there would be no survival. The tendencies of a human heart to find love of all kinds by building relationships, such as friends, family, significant others, and children, is what holds our lives together. Love is what connects us and allows us to continually grow and survive. For it is in our nature that we are social animals.

Then what is it that holds together the human race and the rest of the universe which allows for the conditions for life to flourish? It is my conclusion that this power, this energy, is love. God is love. The universe is love. Humans, at the very core of their existence, all need one thing in order to survive, and that is love. If we use our thoughts to tune our minds into a “channel” which is peace, love, and understanding, then we can connect with the higher power of the universe and experience its presence in our lives. Both God and the universe are eternal. We are inseparable from the universe. Therefore we are eternal and one with the universe. One with God. -Brady Elrod.


Deceptive perspective

Blinded by ego

Survivals boundaries

Evolution stalled


Fear and desire


Obsolete mechanisms

At war with ourselves


Reality unseen

A subtle truth

Opposite sides

Of the same coin


Duality an illusion

All is One

Our identity

A lie


No self

No one

No exclusion

The world, a mirror


The mind, a trap

Selfishness through ignorance

Humanities hope

Lies in union


Peace and compassion

The remedy

A deeper look

A spiritual sight


One existence

One body

A subjective experience

Of the same truth


One breath

One mind

Break the limitations

Of language

-Brady Elrod